You ever wonder why life takes the roads it takes, or why we make the decisions that we make? I do every day. Everyone says that the Lord knows exactly the plans for our lives, but sometimes I wonder if we mess those plans up? While I know the decision I made is not messing up plans, I often sit back and wonder or am amazed at how far I have come. Life is so full of complications, roller coasters, and road maps that there really is not one manual that will ever get you through it.
Two years ago, I began considering the possibility of moving to Phoenix, AZ. At that time, I looked at houses to purchase, jobs to get, and schools for Jayce. The door was clearly shut when no opportunities presented itself. Yet, that thought of moving never left my mind. Exactly two years later, I finally packed up and move to Phoenix, AZ. I made my final decision the first of January and moved the middle of February. Doors were not shutting, but opening. However, it seems that now that we are here, doors are shutting. While I know this is not true and it is just trials and testings, and I need to make it through the rough times, I am struggling on depending on God. I know that in the end, these tests that I am experiencing are going to make me a better person afterwards than I was before.
Given all this, how does one continue to depend upon a God we cannot see? Honestly, I don't even have an answer for that and each person has to find him or her true self when seeking these answers. One person's answer is not good for another person. All I can say is that this move has made me more confident than before. I am searching for who God truly is, what is he truly to me, and why do I truly believe in him.
I had not stepped foot in a church in over two months until this last Sunday. I did not even go to church for worship and a time of learning for almost four months until this last Sunday. I attended a church and for the first time in months felt my heart swell at the worship with the Lord. For the first time in months, I felt the Lord speak to me, not only through worship but also through the challenge. How is it that we allow ourselves to become deadened to worship and the Lord? I still do not know. This does not mean that I know exactly where I am at in my life with God, but it does prove to me that there is a God out there who cares.
Now, about our lives. Jayce and I are for the most part, happily living in Tempe, Arizona. This has been a vast difference to Kansas City, Missouri. We are slowly finding our way around the towns and getting to know the area. Ironically, we have been here for a little over a month and have yet to drive into Phoenix and check out that area. Tempe is much like Independence to Kansas City for those back home.
I have had the wonderful privelege of staying home with Jayce, but am ready to start working again. Just as Jayce is ready to go back to school. I am praying that the right job comes along for me to take. Although, at this point, any job will work for me.
It has been nearly a year since I have updated my blog, but I felt with the move and people not being able to be in contact constantly, that I would work on updating the blog more often. I will post pictures as we get them to share with everyone.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Zoo
Long time no post - so sorry, man, all this working and school and Jayce I kind of just forget about the blog until I see other post something on Facebook about their blogs.
So this blog is a little old, but this is when Grandma, Jayce, and I went to the zoo on my mom's spring break. Spring break was the last week of April this year so it was like a kick off to the summer season. Since then we have been so busy with a variety of activities.
I was a little shocked to find that Jayce was not as fond of the animals on this trip as he used to be. I need to take him back and see how he will react again. I am hoping that the animal books we have been looking through and learning names from will help. By the end of the day he had settled down and would even walk around instead of ride the stroller of have us carry him. A sure sign that he is terrified.
He was so cute, we would tell him the "scientific" name of the animal and he would repeat it. For some reason the Mangabey was his favorite animal. In others words - the monkey.
Our first stop the bird cages - again, the terrified look - it could be because the bird was at his level and was rather loud. Since then he has had "interaction" with birds at the house. We have a bay window and he sits in the window and watches the birds in the bushes outside the window. There is a family of cardinals and he loves to watch the papa bird, mama bird, and baby bird eat dinner.
The anthill.
Sliding down the tongue of the frog. We did just about every slide there - he LOVES to slide!
On the train, another favorite part - he is in love with trains as well.
Mumu and Jayce on the train!
So this blog is a little old, but this is when Grandma, Jayce, and I went to the zoo on my mom's spring break. Spring break was the last week of April this year so it was like a kick off to the summer season. Since then we have been so busy with a variety of activities.
I was a little shocked to find that Jayce was not as fond of the animals on this trip as he used to be. I need to take him back and see how he will react again. I am hoping that the animal books we have been looking through and learning names from will help. By the end of the day he had settled down and would even walk around instead of ride the stroller of have us carry him. A sure sign that he is terrified.
He was so cute, we would tell him the "scientific" name of the animal and he would repeat it. For some reason the Mangabey was his favorite animal. In others words - the monkey.
Our first stop the bird cages - again, the terrified look - it could be because the bird was at his level and was rather loud. Since then he has had "interaction" with birds at the house. We have a bay window and he sits in the window and watches the birds in the bushes outside the window. There is a family of cardinals and he loves to watch the papa bird, mama bird, and baby bird eat dinner.
The anthill.
Sliding down the tongue of the frog. We did just about every slide there - he LOVES to slide!
On the train, another favorite part - he is in love with trains as well.
Mumu and Jayce on the train!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
NICU (Neonatal ICU) Reunion
Jayce was born 6 1/2 weeks premature so therefore spent a little over two weeks in the NICU. During these two weeks you become rather close with the nurses who take care of your little one day and night. Each year since opening the NICU (a month before Jayce was born) the hospital has a reunion to allow the nurses to see the children they helped out as well as the give the families a chance to see the nurses. This time brings back so many memories and it is enjoyable to see all the nurses whom we got to know so well. It is fun walking into the room and nurses walk up to you and say hello to the child (call them by name) and then talk with you about how well they are doing. It is also fun to see the other children who were in the NICU along with your child. A week ago was the reunion and here are the pics from it - it does make our Sundays long and tiring, but oh so worth it.
Jayce catching a "fish" that turned out to be a Chinese Yo-Yo
Throwing the bean bag through the hole.
The two of us.
All he wanted to do was hit the blown up things.
Slushies that night :)
On a side note, if anyone knows how to rotate pictures please let me know.
Jayce catching a "fish" that turned out to be a Chinese Yo-Yo
Throwing the bean bag through the hole.
The two of us.
All he wanted to do was hit the blown up things.
Slushies that night :)
On a side note, if anyone knows how to rotate pictures please let me know.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Easter
We had such a lovely Easter beginning with the dying of the easter eggs. Then going to church and finally moving on to my grandparents house. This was all the more special this year because as a family we had not been together since before Thanksgiving. You have to understand that we are an extremely close family and are always getting together. Secondly, it was special because we were able to spend it with Grandma. We really did not know if we were going to have Grandma around this year, but Praise the Lord!! she made it through the stem cell transplant. We are still awaiting results on whether or not it really worked. In my book, it did, Grandma looks awesome - better than I have seen her in a long time. Anyway, here are the pics from the day.
The stinker with his hands dying to get in the dye :)
Getting ready to put the egg in.
Eggs dying.
So proud of what he has done.
The two of us.
The stinker with his hands dying to get in the dye :)
Getting ready to put the egg in.
Eggs dying.
So proud of what he has done.
The two of us.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Three Years and Counting . . .
So, this idea started about three months ago, when I was asked by my former school to share a testimony. I debated whether or not to actually publish on facebook the note that I had written up and I was strongly encouraged to share it with everyone. Thanks Sarah Totta!!!
I am not sure why this year above all other years has meant so much to me, but I cannot get over the fact that three years ago, life happened. Three years ago in February, I found out I was pregnant and the father of the baby was not my husband nor was I married. Of course, to me there was absolutely no choice in the matter, I was keeping the baby no matter what. Before leaving me, the father desperately asked me to keep the baby and raise it as my own. I must admit, I have always wanted children so when I found I was pregnant there was no other option but to keep the baby.
I chose to have my child, keep my child, and raise my child on my own. I began taking the steps down a path of uncertainty. I was nervous, scared, anxious, and excited. My precious son, Jayce, arrived on October 14, 2005. It was at this point that the real journey began.
When I got pregnant, I lost so much more. I lost all trust that my parents had in me. Please remember that trust is not easy to hand out – once you have broken that trust it takes years to repair.
I lost my chance to be young. Having the responsibilities of a child cause you to grow up rather fast. I was no longer free to live life the way young adults do. I was unable to go out when friends call me up wanting to go to the mall or out to eat. Not to mention shopping on a whim for new clothes, shoes, or the perfect purse no longer happens. Money is now going to pay for diapers, juice, milk, food, clothes, and shoes.
I now have a constant companion who is with me 24/7. Sleep – what is that? Even at two years old my son struggles to sleep through the night at times. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not angry or mad because of my life I just want to warn you of ALL the consequences that come with decisions we make or at least make you think about the consequences.
I would have never made it as far as I have if it hadn’t been for the grace of our Lord. Knowing that all I needed was His forgiveness helped me to return to my life walk with him. The Lord brought me to the position that I am currently at. The path I chose was not the easiest nor was it the best. I would never suggest to anyone to play with the temptations that I played with, which in turn led me down this path. However, I have to say my path has changed me in ways I never imagined. It opened me up and showed me who I was. The path broke me to become who I am today, which is a far better person than who I was three years ago. No, I am not perfect, I still make huge mistakes but I am by far the person I was three years ago.
Second, I would have never made it as far as I have made it if it hadn’t been for my family. My mom and dad so lovingly and graciously have allowed Jayce and I to live with them these past two years. This is not easy, having two families in one household, but we have learned to make it work. My brothers have been loving uncles to Jayce as well as my sister-in-law being a loving aunt. They truly adore Jayce and Jayce definitely enjoys Joe, Jon, Da, and Ju.
Third, I have to say that my friends have helped me to make it this far as well. When I was pregnant and getting my life right with the Lord, I began to worry about the fact that Jayce’s father is not going to be there to help raise and support him. I was more worried for Jayce’s sake rather than my own. I knew as a boy and soon a young man, he was going to need that male role model/leadership in his life. Two years later, Jayce has several male role models that he just adores. The Lord has over and abundantly answered that request.
The night after I was asked to share a testimony, I sat rocking Jayce to sleep just thinking. I thought back to three years ago when I originally found out I was pregnant. I remembered sitting in the driver seat of my car in the middle of the night filled with emotions: stunned, excited, nervous, anxious, and scared. I did not know how we were going to survive?
Then I remembered the night that Jayce’s dad and I discussed our options. We both agreed that we were the ones who had made the wrong decisions and not Jayce. I remembered his dad saying, “Why should we make the child pay for something it has not done?” Then I remembered the day one of the co-workers recommended I go have it taken care of. Two years later, I sat looking at the handsome face of my little boy thinking – what would my life be like if I had followed my co-workers words?
So many teenagers and young adults find themselves in the situation I was in and make an immediate decision they later regret. They do not think about the joys the child within them will bring, they only think about the burden. My life has been so blessed by my son. Yes, we have our struggles, but the blessings far out way the struggles.
I am not sure why this year above all other years has meant so much to me, but I cannot get over the fact that three years ago, life happened. Three years ago in February, I found out I was pregnant and the father of the baby was not my husband nor was I married. Of course, to me there was absolutely no choice in the matter, I was keeping the baby no matter what. Before leaving me, the father desperately asked me to keep the baby and raise it as my own. I must admit, I have always wanted children so when I found I was pregnant there was no other option but to keep the baby.
I chose to have my child, keep my child, and raise my child on my own. I began taking the steps down a path of uncertainty. I was nervous, scared, anxious, and excited. My precious son, Jayce, arrived on October 14, 2005. It was at this point that the real journey began.
When I got pregnant, I lost so much more. I lost all trust that my parents had in me. Please remember that trust is not easy to hand out – once you have broken that trust it takes years to repair.
I lost my chance to be young. Having the responsibilities of a child cause you to grow up rather fast. I was no longer free to live life the way young adults do. I was unable to go out when friends call me up wanting to go to the mall or out to eat. Not to mention shopping on a whim for new clothes, shoes, or the perfect purse no longer happens. Money is now going to pay for diapers, juice, milk, food, clothes, and shoes.
I now have a constant companion who is with me 24/7. Sleep – what is that? Even at two years old my son struggles to sleep through the night at times. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not angry or mad because of my life I just want to warn you of ALL the consequences that come with decisions we make or at least make you think about the consequences.
I would have never made it as far as I have if it hadn’t been for the grace of our Lord. Knowing that all I needed was His forgiveness helped me to return to my life walk with him. The Lord brought me to the position that I am currently at. The path I chose was not the easiest nor was it the best. I would never suggest to anyone to play with the temptations that I played with, which in turn led me down this path. However, I have to say my path has changed me in ways I never imagined. It opened me up and showed me who I was. The path broke me to become who I am today, which is a far better person than who I was three years ago. No, I am not perfect, I still make huge mistakes but I am by far the person I was three years ago.
Second, I would have never made it as far as I have made it if it hadn’t been for my family. My mom and dad so lovingly and graciously have allowed Jayce and I to live with them these past two years. This is not easy, having two families in one household, but we have learned to make it work. My brothers have been loving uncles to Jayce as well as my sister-in-law being a loving aunt. They truly adore Jayce and Jayce definitely enjoys Joe, Jon, Da, and Ju.
Third, I have to say that my friends have helped me to make it this far as well. When I was pregnant and getting my life right with the Lord, I began to worry about the fact that Jayce’s father is not going to be there to help raise and support him. I was more worried for Jayce’s sake rather than my own. I knew as a boy and soon a young man, he was going to need that male role model/leadership in his life. Two years later, Jayce has several male role models that he just adores. The Lord has over and abundantly answered that request.
The night after I was asked to share a testimony, I sat rocking Jayce to sleep just thinking. I thought back to three years ago when I originally found out I was pregnant. I remembered sitting in the driver seat of my car in the middle of the night filled with emotions: stunned, excited, nervous, anxious, and scared. I did not know how we were going to survive?
Then I remembered the night that Jayce’s dad and I discussed our options. We both agreed that we were the ones who had made the wrong decisions and not Jayce. I remembered his dad saying, “Why should we make the child pay for something it has not done?” Then I remembered the day one of the co-workers recommended I go have it taken care of. Two years later, I sat looking at the handsome face of my little boy thinking – what would my life be like if I had followed my co-workers words?
So many teenagers and young adults find themselves in the situation I was in and make an immediate decision they later regret. They do not think about the joys the child within them will bring, they only think about the burden. My life has been so blessed by my son. Yes, we have our struggles, but the blessings far out way the struggles.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Oh My, Oh My, Oh My
Where in the world has the time gone. I feel horrible about not posting, but what can I say, life happens. Mainly my camera died so I have not been taking pictures since Christmas. If I don't have pictures, I don't think about posting to my blog.
However, I decided to write a quick update. A major prayer request that several of you have been praying about has been answered. Today I went full-time with Commerce. I love working there and stay rather busy. I am still pursuing my degree, so working full-time, school full-time, and Jayce tends to be a little overwhelming, but we are surviving.
There are two other major goals that will be happening within the next year. My car is dying - very undependable right now - so I will be buying a new car within the next 4 months. Then by this time next year Jonathan and I will be moving into a place of our own. I am overwhelmingly excited about this possibility. Again, the moving out plans are still tentative but as of now everything is a go for a year from now Jonathan (my brother), Jayce and I all moving into either a townhome or duplex. You can pray that we find the right one for our set-up that we have in mind. We are looking at the Lee's Summit area as that is the mid-point for both of our jobs.
Jayce is continuing to grow and shock me each week. Currently he is creating his own sentences. I love it so much. He gets creative and I just laugh at what he comes up with.
We are still very involved with New Life Ministries and again loving that. I enjoy working in the Children's Ministry with my Kindergarten through Second graders. Jayce has just recently bumped up to the preschool class and had his first time singing in church a couple of Sunday's ago. I was the mom who wanted to hide as I watched my son walk around the stage, as someone else said that is the best part having at least one child doing something.
Well, I think that is most of the update on us for right now.
However, I decided to write a quick update. A major prayer request that several of you have been praying about has been answered. Today I went full-time with Commerce. I love working there and stay rather busy. I am still pursuing my degree, so working full-time, school full-time, and Jayce tends to be a little overwhelming, but we are surviving.
There are two other major goals that will be happening within the next year. My car is dying - very undependable right now - so I will be buying a new car within the next 4 months. Then by this time next year Jonathan and I will be moving into a place of our own. I am overwhelmingly excited about this possibility. Again, the moving out plans are still tentative but as of now everything is a go for a year from now Jonathan (my brother), Jayce and I all moving into either a townhome or duplex. You can pray that we find the right one for our set-up that we have in mind. We are looking at the Lee's Summit area as that is the mid-point for both of our jobs.
Jayce is continuing to grow and shock me each week. Currently he is creating his own sentences. I love it so much. He gets creative and I just laugh at what he comes up with.
We are still very involved with New Life Ministries and again loving that. I enjoy working in the Children's Ministry with my Kindergarten through Second graders. Jayce has just recently bumped up to the preschool class and had his first time singing in church a couple of Sunday's ago. I was the mom who wanted to hide as I watched my son walk around the stage, as someone else said that is the best part having at least one child doing something.
Well, I think that is most of the update on us for right now.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
No, Elmo
For Christmas, my mom and dad gave Jayce an Elmo "doll". Jayce watches Elmo just about everyday at the sitters so he has fallen in love with Elmo. However, we had nothing with Elmo on it, so my parents fixed that. Jayce has fallen in love with Elmo, and Elmo is his constant companion (at least at home)
Last week Jayce had left Elmo at the Totta's house (we go there for Bible Study every Wednesday) and Sarah had brought Elmo to work so Jayce could have him to sleep with. I brought Elmo home from work and of course Jayce was ecstatic. After dinner, Jayce was running around carrying Elmo. We all sat down and Jayce stayed in the dining room. Pretty soon he came into the room we were in holding onto Elmo who was "holding" onto some papers Jayce was not supposed to be playing with. The papers were my moms so Jayce took them to her. She simply smiled and said Jayce you are not supposed to be playing with Grandma's papers. Jayce just smiled at her and said "No, Mumu - Elmo hold the papers" So my mom told Jayce to have Elmo put the papers back on the table. Jayce took Elmo and the papers back to the dining room table but the whole way proceeded to tell Elmo - "No Elmo, NO NO!!" very emphatically. We all lost it.
It is so funny what the kiddos pick up on that you don't even realize they understand. Kind of like the fact that my dad calls the dog a dumb dog quite often. One day the dog ran Jayce over and he simply looked at him and said "You dumb dog" :)
Last week Jayce had left Elmo at the Totta's house (we go there for Bible Study every Wednesday) and Sarah had brought Elmo to work so Jayce could have him to sleep with. I brought Elmo home from work and of course Jayce was ecstatic. After dinner, Jayce was running around carrying Elmo. We all sat down and Jayce stayed in the dining room. Pretty soon he came into the room we were in holding onto Elmo who was "holding" onto some papers Jayce was not supposed to be playing with. The papers were my moms so Jayce took them to her. She simply smiled and said Jayce you are not supposed to be playing with Grandma's papers. Jayce just smiled at her and said "No, Mumu - Elmo hold the papers" So my mom told Jayce to have Elmo put the papers back on the table. Jayce took Elmo and the papers back to the dining room table but the whole way proceeded to tell Elmo - "No Elmo, NO NO!!" very emphatically. We all lost it.
It is so funny what the kiddos pick up on that you don't even realize they understand. Kind of like the fact that my dad calls the dog a dumb dog quite often. One day the dog ran Jayce over and he simply looked at him and said "You dumb dog" :)
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